Tag Archives: Weather

Friday’s Fears

It has been too long since I have posted.  I know this, not because of the date, but because my head is exploding with words.  It seems that the only times I have a lot to say are the times I have little time to write.  While the times I have a lot of time to write are the times I feel I have little to say.  I believe that is fear, my friends.  So, today I am taking the time to write and hoping that I am ready for the company that is coming in 70 minutes.  No, I am not showered or dressed yet, so I will have to type rather quickly!

I am back in my funk.  That bicycle I bought July 4th has left my garage three times and one was to go to the bike shop to be repaired.  So I have only been on it twice.  Okay, so I’ve had a double ear infection like forever and the doctor said riding it might not be good, and I have had trouble just keeping my balance while walking, but this would not have stopped me in the past.  So is my common sense getting better or am I just becoming too compliant? I hate being compliant!

The weather here has been perfect, 70’s and low humidity.  We have set records for cool weather in July!  I have slept.  In the house with the windows open at least, but I have slept.  Of course, I found out this has contributed to the double ear infection problem, so now I am sleeping with the windows closed and the air-conditioning on while the weather outside is perfect.  And the kicker:  I am 53 years old and I may need to get tubes in my ears…I think I am a little young to be going through my second childhood!  Don’t little kids get these when they are like 3? I’m no expert on these things, I didn’t have kids and dogs generally don’t get tubes in their ears!

Speaking of dogs, my youngest, and some would say my favorite, Willie (Princess Wilhelmina) has now been diagnosed with allergies and is taking daily medicine.  She is also eating a lot. She is supposed to be a mini doxie, but I am unsure how long we will be keeping the mini part.  I’ve already started the diet; I did that the day I started the medicine and we went to the park for a walk before we started the medicine.  I am very familiar with steroids.  I started them the day before.  I did not do the diet or the walk for myself, however.  I’ve always been better at taking care of others.  I did begin to be more careful with my diet last night, right after I ate the candy bar and the cookies.  I did not eat them in front of Willie, though, so that counts, right?  Today, I am hoping to go back to the park with Willie and might even take my oldest, Rudy, who is diabetic. (I didn’t eat the candy bar or cookies in front of him either.)  Of course that would leave the middle child at home by herself, which would increase my guilt significantly.  This usually means we all stay home.  And sleep.

My other project for today is to “let go” of my former life.  In my previous life I was a mental health therapist.  I was very good at what I did and I believe I helped a lot of people.  This illness has removed my ability to do that work anymore.  I could never handle the stress, the hours and the mental acuity required.  I no longer have the memory that is needed.  That all sucks and makes me extremely sad.  So I have decided not to look at all the books I have that related to my former life.  It is time to give them to someone who can use them.  I have no idea who that is, but maybe my local library does.  So I will start there.  Today a friend will help me box them up and I will deliver them next week.  In addition, I am going to make my “office” at home more of a “studio” where I can be more creative.  Now, it looks like an office, very practical and business like.  I am not business like any more.  Now I am all over the place, I “flit” and that’s okay.  I want to be comfy when I create, not sit at a desk in a desk chair that hurts my body.  So that needs to change.  And today is the day it begins.  It will be a fun project.  I will start with cleaning out the space, so I know what I need/want.  Then I can hit the thrift stores to see what I can find.  What an adventure! Kind of exciting, getting to create a new space in which to create. I am a writer now: maybe not an author (yet), but a writer.  That is my new profession and I am very grateful that I have it.  If I can ever get past the fear of putting the words on the paper!




Today’s Musings

Random thoughts that I am pondering this morning.

~Why can’t they figure out what the hell is going on with the “sores” that keep appearing all over my body?  One doctor says it’s X and the other doctor says it’s Y.  Then they prescribe different things.  No dermatologist, no skin scraping, no testing; just disagreement.  Meanwhile, I keep getting new “sores” and neither medicine is working!

~The sunrise was absolutely beautiful this morning, so who cares about a few silly “sores” anyway!  I am so blessed to see such a gift.  I love opening my shades in the morning when I let my fur-kids out and seeing the beginnings of the oranges, pinks, purples and yellows on the horizon.  It makes everything okay.

~I have volunteered to do something that I seem to have a mental block about doing.  I need to get past this, as I made a commitment.  I have it mostly completed, need to type it up on the computer.  Mostly, the problem is that I spend so much time reading blogs that I am tired and hurting from sitting at the computer so long!  I will feel better when it is done though.  So just do it already!

~ It is going to feel like Spring today and I hope to get some time outside to enjoy it!  Or at least accomplish something that has to do with warm weather.  After all, Winter returns tomorrow, with cold temperatures and the possibility of more snow.  Will Winter ever give up and allow Spring to arrive?  Are we going to go straight from Winter to Summer?  I hope not, I love the blooming of Spring and the warm days/cool nights.  One of my favorites is the light green of the budding trees with the purple of the budding Redbud trees.  That is just gorgeous!  Hopefully I can get a picture this Spring to post on here.

~I am thinking it would be a good day to give the fur-kids a bath.  Of course, I can’t say this out loud or they will hide the rest of the day!  They really need one, it has been way too long.  I don’t like to do this chore any more than they like to get a bath.  It hurts.  And I spend a couple of days recovering.  It seems silly, but it is true.  It only takes a couple of hours to give baths, but afterwards, I can barely walk.  But since I have nothing much going on, it seems like a good time. Now if I can convince myself of this when it warms up this afternoon.

One last thought for today:  I know that I am so blessed in so many ways.  I think of all the people who are homeless, who are hungry, who are truly alone; and I realize how much I have been given.  And then I think of all the families of Flight 370.  I can’t imagine their pain.  So, yes, it is all perspective and looking on the positive side of life.  Most of the time I am able, sometimes I forget.  

Positive thoughts to you all…

Expectations and Arthritis

I like to ponder. Today’s ponder: Why can I not “Just Be,” live in the moment and let go of expectations?  It seems no matter how hard I try, I continue to have expectations of myself, other people, situations, and even of the weather. And sometimes my expectations are met and sometimes far exceeded. And there are other times, like today, that they will be let down once again. It’s just a silly little thing, a walk in the park with the dogs and some friends that won’t be able to happen because of the weather and how it affects the joints when one has arthritis. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of arthritis, just arthritis. Yesterday, It was 50° and sunny, tomorrow the forecast is for 50° and sunny, And yet today it is in the 30s with clouds and a chance of rain and snow. What that does to the joints just amazes me. And no matter how I try to ignore it, tell it to go away or take pain meds to mask it, it just stays with me. And I hate, HATE complaining! Those who know me well can see it in my eyes even when I try to smile through it so as not to ruin the party or anyone else’s good time, so I try real hard to just be alone if the pain gets too bad. But today that won’t work, as you see I have friends coming in town and I’d planned on having time to take all the dogs, my three and their one, to the park for a walk. Then come back relax, laugh and enjoy. So now, I need to figure out a way to make at least the second part happen despite the pain. And I can do that, I just get so tired sometimes of having to work so hard at it!

And on another subject, also related to joint and arthritis pain and expectations, I have discovered that my Dragon Dictation no longer works with the new update of the Mac operating system. Now that’s not really good news, however I did discover that Mac has its own dictating program built in to its operating system! One has to be careful as I found out if you choose the wrong option, everything you say AND your contact list will be sent to Apple for them to translate to text and then sent back to you (they also store all your information). I just don’t think Apple should have all of my information, so I chose not to do that. I am finding as I dictate this, that I will have a lot of cleanup to do, which I did not have to do with Dragon Dictation. So I’m going to test it out and see if it will be worth it to use the dictation program. If it is, it will help with my writing quite a bit, as typing is one reason why I don’t write as often as I’d like. It is kind of amazing as I look at the word count. I usually have a hard time typing this many words but I don’t seem to have any trouble speaking this many words, does that mean I talk too much? Nah, couldn’t be! If you could see all the mistakes that the dictation is making this would be a very comical post! However, the OCD part of me would never let this post go out the way it is currently displayed. So I will fix it, after all I am a fixer! Another fun thing about having rheumatoid arthritis, the things that you can fix become less and less and your frustration about that becomes greater and greater. 

So I’m not really sure how I will plan my day for friends to spend time, but I’m sure that we will figure it out and have fun. For that is what it is truly about! It doesn’t really matter what you do; it really matters that you’re together, that you care and that you’re willing to take the time to be there. So that is really what today is about: not the activity, not the food, not the drink; just the friendship, the being there.  Oh yeah…there is that theme of the year thing...Just Be...so I won’t plan my day…I’ll just let it BE!

PS: (Can you have a PS in a blog…well I am, so I guess I can.)  It didn’t take me that long to edit, so it may be worth it. Not sure it will be though if I am writing a lot, like working on the book I am writing.  It would take too much time editing all the capital letters in the wrong places, the words it didn’t translate correctly, like “lettuce” for “let us,” and it kept putting “Matt” in for all kinds of words!  Guess it’s time to call my nephew, Matt! LOL