Tag Archives: good people

Class Reunion–35 years and counting

So I broke down and went to my first class reunion last weekend…okay it was my third-fifth class reunion, just the first one I’ve ever really attended. I went to the fifth, but stayed twenty minutes and left. It felt like high school and I didn’t need that again.  It is so interesting to see that little microcosm of society! For the most part, everyone has stopped worrying about “who is better than” and “who has more,” yet there were those “select” few.  You know, the “ones” who still talk to the only the other “ones.”  And they look around the room making eye contact with rest of us lowly minions, thinking that we are pining for their attention.  I noticed them about a half an hour before I left…and I was there five hours.  Someone I was talking to pointed it out to me, so I paid attention.  I realized that there was this “group of four,” not including their very uncomfortable spouses, who were having a very difficult time getting the rest of the mingling crowd to pay attention to them.  They tried a lot of things: they laughed very loudly, then looked around to see who noticed; they all walked to the bar together giggling at whatever, pretending not to look around; and they did the same on their social visit to the restroom.  Their extreme disappointment when no one cared what they did was evident…everyone else had moved on…had grown up…had seemingly left them behind.

It really was good to see people again.  I wish that  more people attended, but who am I to talk, it took thirty-five years for me to attend!  I realized when I got there that I miss the friends I made in high school.  I haven’t seen most of them for thirty-five years.  It isn’t anyone’s fault, life just happens.  I never felt like I fit in then; after this weekend, I know it doesn’t matter anymore.  That is a refreshing feeling.  It is sad that it took thirty-five years for me to feel that way, yet it is great that it happened at all!  I also realized how truly blessed I am to have reconnected with the friends I have since moving back to my hometown.  They have made this transition so much better.  I would be lost without them.  It is good to have this time in my life to reflect on what is important and what is valuable; what is lasting and what is true; what is golden and what is treasured.

 

 

My Super Dooper Trooper – Not Saying Goodbye Yet

So we went to the vet yesterday to check on kidney functioning and glucose levels.  My Rudy is amazing!  His kidneys are now functioning within NORMAL RANGE and his glucose level has dropped 200 points!  While it is still way high (450) at least it is headed in the correct direction! The vet is pleased and said that we are not out of the woods just yet, but we are definitely headed in the right direction.

Of course, I wanted to take him out for breakfast to celebrate-or at least for a walk in the park.  Instead I brought him home to his “special food” and his insulin shot.  Poor guy, he’s worked so hard to get his levels in check and he can’t even have a treat to celebrate!  (It got way to hot to go for a way later in the day.)  And I think he was just so happy not to be at the vet’s office that he was okay with coming home.

I am now cautiously optimistic that he will be okay for a while longer.  My emotions have been all over the place and I am sure they will continue to be.  I know this is not the important part, Rudy is. It has been a roller coaster, though; maybe for him too.  I just feel very lucky to have more time to spend with my Begga-boy!  It doesn’t happen very often that we get that “little more time,” or that “one more day,”  that we so often ask for when it is too late.  Now it is my challenge not to waste the gift I have been given, but to make the very most of it I can!  I hope I am up to that challenge.

I also want to thank everyone in the virtual world who gave Rudy and me support and prayers, they made all the difference!  Without my virtual friends my days would have been much harder.  I am blessed in so many ways.

Now I must return to Rudy who is asking for something…probably a treat that he can no longer have…

Reclusive or Selective: The Semantic Game

I’ve told myself that I am not becoming reclusive; I am just more selective about what I do. I am not sure if I am just playing a semantic game with myself, but I am sure that my activities are changing.  I no longer log on to Facebook daily, but I do try to check in at least weekly to keep up with the people I talk to via messages.  I just don’t see much value in all the posts, seems like people put the silliest stuff on there.  I mean I guess it’s important to someone what you had for dinner, just not so much to me.  I also don’t tweet, don’t Pin anything nor am I linked in to anyone.  I really don’t spend that much time surfing any more either.  If there is something I need or want to know, I can usually find it with a quick search, read the articles and be done in fifteen or twenty minutes.   I also don’t go out as much as I used to.  I am quite content to stay in my house with my fur-kids. And they seem to get quite upset when I leave them.  Actually, it is getting hard to get me out of my house, not because I am afraid to leave, rather because I am just so comfortable here.  And I am always concerned that I will have to leave because of pain and cause disruption in the activity.  This causes me to stay home a lot also.

I did go “out” over this past weekend, however, and it was an interesting experience.  The “plan” was to go to a street dance that was a local fundraiser for the downtown district where I live.  Of course it was raining a lot, so they moved the party inside.  And they eliminated all the food vendors.  That meant going out to dinner, which we did and it was lovely!  The food was great, the company wonderful and the conversation fun.  Then to the “club” where the party was, which pointed out to me that it had been a long time since I have been in a club and I am getting old.  Wow, was it loud in there!  It didn’t take me long to re-acclimate myself and I found myself loving it! One of my favorite things to do is to “people watch” and there was the perfect spot above the main floor to do just that.  And the band, who were very good, was in the other room so they weren’t so loud! As a bonus, I had a fascinating conversation about a myriad of topics with a very cool woman.  I am glad that despite my desire to stay home, I went and had a great time. I was not able to complete the evening this weekend, as I came home early due to “wearing out,” but the going out was a good thing.

Being selective about what I do is a good thing, and I will continue.  Unfortunately, my stamina is not what it was and I cannot do all the things I’d like.  So I will have to make choices just like everyone else, even if mine are a little more limited.  Looking at the possibilities as though there are possibilities will make a huge difference in my choices.  

A Three Year Journey, Never Intended

Three years I began a New Life.  Or should I say I began a New Journey in my Life.  A New Journey sounds so much better and more intriguing, wouldn’t you agree?  I would assume it depends on whether it is a Journey one intended to take.

I went home for lunch on a Thursday afternoon, it was August 5, 2011.  I’d been having “episodes” of unknown origin, but they were mimicking TIA’s or mini-strokes.  I had been to the hospital ER many, many times; had more CT scans of my head than I probably should have in my lifetime; and, had freaked out my friends, my co-workers and myself more than once.  On this day, instead of going to the ER, I called my doctor.  I thought that was a wise move, since I was tired of wasting everyone’s time and resources to be told that they didn’t know what was wrong.  The doctor told me I had to see a neurologist and until I did, no more work.  Little did I know that it would take a year, and my insistence at seeing a third neurologist to get a diagnosis and a solution.  Of course, by this time, I had no job, which meant I had to move because I could no longer afford where I was living.  Of course this provoked just a little (sarcasm here) stress in my life, which caused the RA to go out of control.   Additionally, I lost two of my main supports, which were my old neighbors.  I had not planned on that.  I’ve never returned to work and my health is such now, that it seems unlikely I ever will.  Although, I would like nothing better.

There are many details, twists and turns that life has taken throughout these past three years, far too many to mention here.  The life lessons are always the most important; the demons we struggle with and overcome; the challenges we face and win; and the realization of who and what really matters.  I know that these will continue throughout my life, I hope to get better at dealing with them and at letting go of the little things and the things I cannot change.  I am finding that, unfortunately, that also means letting go of people.  There are people in my life who let me down to the point that I can never trust them again; who have shown me their true character and, not that I am perfect, it is cruel; and, there are those who have, at least in their own honesty, walked away from me.  This has been the hardest part of my journey during the past three years.  Or maybe it has been the hurt I have caused others, for I know I have.  I have let people down in ways for which I have many regrets.  I have tried to make amends where possible and apologies when I can.  And tried to do it better the next time.  I guess that is all to do.

It has been an interesting journey.  I have learned a lot about myself, my world and the people in my world.  I have been to the depths of depression and have had wonderful friends to pull me back up.  I have had major health crises that without my friends I would literally not have survived.  And I have had triumphs that my friends were with me to celebrate and share.  What have I learned? That I have the BEST FRIENDS, that I am BLESSED they are in my life; that no matter how dark or lonely some days may get, they will ALWAYS be there, just one phone call away.  I have also learned that I can handle much more than I thought I could, and I really thought I was pretty strong before.  I’ve learned to be more independent and to ask for help only when it is truly needed.  I’ve learned to let the little things go and not stress about them as much.  I’ve learned to be GRATEFUL for all that I have, for it is so much!  I’m learning to ENJOY EACH MOMENT because it is all I really have and to stop expecting things to be a certain way.  It appears that when I can release my expectations, I am pleasantly surprised by something new!  The biggest thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have a lot to learn!  This is good, for life will continue with its twists and turns and how boring it would be without them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling Blessed

It is so revealing when your eyes open to the truth.  When you see that someone you cared about and wanted in your life for so very many years becomes someone you no longer care to have in your life.  When you realize that “appearances” to them really are everything, that hurting others is really okay.  Calling themselves Christian and being so righteous while making judgments about everyone else’s choices, once again reaffirms the adage “walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk.” I guess today I am feeling blessed that I have traveled the journey I have.  I do not care about appearances; I care about people.  I care about doing the right thing for its own sake.  I care about treating people right.  Not for my benefit, but for theirs.  Just because “it’s the right thing to do.” (quote attributed to Lu)  I am truly blessed that I have had the friends that I have, some still in my life and some not, who have helped me along this journey.  I am a far better person because of them!

To Be (Political) or Not to Be

It has been another week.  This time I have spent it struggling to breathe, dealing with pneumonia.  Another “issue” of having an autoimmune disease is that I catch everything and then can’t get rid of it.  I did avoid the hospital, through begging and refusal at first, and then not calling back for follow-up when I did not recover like “they” said I should.  I got this crap at the hospital, why would I go back there???? That just seems like a no-brainer to me!!  Needless to say, I have had lots of time, in between naps, to watch the TV.  Last weekend an American soldier was brought out of Afghanistan.  I watch a lot of news shows.  I probably need to stop, because I think too much.  I am a thinker.  I process things.  I can chew on a thought until it is reformulated to look nothing like its original concept.  And I listen.  And I rephrase.  And I chew.  And did I mention I’ve been in bed unable to move for about a week now????

I don’t necessarily see these things as political, although they are all happening in politics today (in the USA, anyway).  I think the reason I cannot see them this way is because I worked in Mental Health for 25+ years.  Everyone says we have a mental health problem in this country and I do agree.  Usually, this is mentioned in the area of gun violence.  And we have had that this week, too.   However, I don’t think we will be debating that, as there were not “enough” killed to make it a “mass” shooting “event.”  Once again, I digress.  Back to the point. One  group I worked with in my career was Special Education.  At the time, (dino. ages) it was a separate school for all the kids who could get along with other kids.  They sent them somewhere so that they could all be together and work out their problems.  We had three classrooms.   Ours were divided by age but I think you could divide them any way you want.  We taught them regular education stuff, like other kids…when we could get them to behave.  When we could get them to respect each other.  When we could get them to listen to each other. When we could get them to take responsibility for their words/actions.  When we could get them to get along with each other.  They did not have to like each other, but they did have to co-exist in a humane manner.  At first, we only had them with their own class, as it was too much to expect them to get along with everyone at one time.  Before they left and went back to their home school, however, they had to get along with a lot more children, so they had to learn to interact with everyone.

This was the hardest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had.  I cannot remember having to breakup so many fights; repair so many broken desks, chairs, walls and people;  call so many parents about behaviors; figure out new and innovate ways to discipline/reward behaviors; and ways to fix myself so I could face another day.  It was a challenge.

A disclaimer:  this blog was not in any way meant to be political.  Sometimes, however, human nature takes over and I cannot help myself.  You, the reader, must judge whether this posts political in nature or just about human nature.  I can not tell anymore.

So I’m chewing folks…

Now, the USA decides to bring one of its own home.  Good thing, right.  The USA trades five bad guys. Bad thing, right.  This was gonna happen at the end of the war anyway, if we follow the Rules.  Anyway, not really my point.  But I’ll state for the record I’m glad he is “home” and I’m glad I’m not paying for the five bad guys anymore.  Knowing this country we will just figure out a way to use a drone on day 366 anyway, since we never could prosecute them for anything.

Ok, back to my point, I think…

~ Why, with all the “traceable” electronics in the world today would someone say/write something and then say/write the opposite, while denying that they ever said/wrote the first thing?

~ Why, are so many people denouncing one man for something he MIGHT have done, when there were a RECORDED 20,000 men who did the same thing in WWII?

~ Why, are the “leaders” of the USA allowing the Taliban to create the divisions in this country that it wants to see?

~ Why are there so many people concerned with making sure they do the opposite of what the other guy wants, even if it is the same thing they wanted the day before?

I’m still chewing….

I’m seeing some parallels here: 3 classrooms=senate, house, white house;  I want to do that until you are doing it, then I think it is a horrible thing to do;   I did not do that, somebody else wrote that on there, that wasn’t me; I will never do what he wants, I hate him (even if I wanted to do it 2 minutes ago).

You get the picture.  There are adult men and women acting like Behavior Disordered children.  I know that is not PC, but neither are they.  And I don’t have to be PC cause this is not about politics.  Did I mention the school was for 5-10 year olds????  Hmmm…..  No one stayed there more than year or two….   Hmmm…..

The only negative is that we can’t put adults in “time out,” we can’t “restrain” them, we can’t “de-redirect” them.   We can, however, “discharge” them, which is what the last resort was at the school.  When there was no hope left for any chance of change.

Okay, this is feeling a little political now….

 

Ode to the boat

This is dedicated to a good friend of mine who I spent weekends with on her boat.  We did this for many years and made many great memories.  They weren’t always good times, but as with anything, it is always better to remember the laughter.  So this post is for you, you know who “you” are, and I have only chosen the more “appropriate” things to share, as I know how embarrassed you can get…

A few days ago we took the boat to be fixed up and sold.  I know it isn’t my boat, it belongs to you.  But the memories made on that boat came back so crystal clear to me, that it was almost as if I were experiencing all the wonderful times over again.  So I thought it only fitting that I write you this letter.

You know when you bought the boat in fall, I know it only felt like winter, and we had to get those “hours” on the motor so it would be ready for ski season next year?  So we put on layers and layers of clothes to get on a ski boat and ride around the lake. Weekend after weekend.  Yes, we were camping in the cold too, but it did not seem as bad as being on the lake; of course, the campfire and the schnapps may have helped warm us up, too.

And we can’t forget taking Sammy, the dog, with us on weekends.  You always wanted to see if he could “ski.”  You never tried it though.  He swam, he camped and he went everywhere.  He was truly the all-around companion.  And every weekend he’d be such a mess…guess a lhasa apso was not the best breed for a water dog!

And all the weekends it was just too windy to ski, for you were always “glass-water” skiers, so we had some wonderful lunches  on your “$14,000 floating picnic table!”  I think the lunch consisted of beer,  hard-boiled eggs, cheese, tomatoes and beer.

There were all those sayings we had:

~ 60 and sunny, warm enough to ski!

~ A bad day on the water is better than a good day anywhere else!

~ This sure beats working (which included jobs and household chores)!

~ I wonder what other people do on Saturdays?

~ Throw me the cushion! (This meant I need a beer and the cushion to set it on!)

And you did some fancy skiing behind that boat, I was always impressed, even if you said I was always “easy.”  It was always my job to “watch,” so I knew when it was a good day or not, of course, I always said it was a good day. After all, I wanted to ride back to the dock.  Especially since I could not swim.  It was also my job to grab the ski after your run, pull in the rope, give you towel, get your cover-up and hand you a beer.  We had very specific “jobs” in the boat.  I was told that this was because of the small space and that we were floating on some deep water.  I bought it.  I followed it. I wanted to go.  Even though I couldn’t swim and I didn’t ski, I had fun and I enjoyed being there.  The other two jobs on the boat were “driver” and “skier.”  Because I didn’t ski, I was told I couldn’t drive.  I just didn’t want to “hurt” your boat, so I was really okay with that!

Remember the day I decided that I would try to ski…I remember the looks on both of your faces…”yeah right!”  But you played along nicely and let me try.  I got in the water and put on the skis, you both gave me very good instructions about how to get up and then you pulled the rope tight.  I remember you waited for my nod, just as I had watched for yours all those times and as I gave it, I heard the roar of the motor, felt the pull of the rope and…damn if I didn’t pop out of the water and I was up!  Only one problem, no one told me how to go from that crouching position of getting up, to that standing position of actually skiing! Why, you ask, because no one believed I would ever, really get up!  So in trying to figure it out, I felt myself lean too far and I let go…the one and only time I ever got up and I let go…I felt bad about that for a long time, until I realized I GOT UP and that was the main thing!

I did enjoy that moment of getting back in the boat. When I washable to say: “get the rope, I need my cover up and where is my beer?”  We all looked at each other and laughed. That may have been a big incentive to get out there and try it after all.  I’d always wanted to say that.

Over the years things changed and I did not get to finish the years you spent with the boat with you.  Things happen, life happens.  I was glad I was there the day you took it to the shop to be repaired and sold.  It seemed fitting.  I could tell you were having a rough time and I knew better than to say too much.  So I let you know I knew and I moved on, just as you wanted.  It was another transition in life, letting go and moving on.  Even though that had really happened years ago, this was just the absolute of it.  As you said, “Priorities change, I want to do different things now.”  I can see that, even though I never thought, all those years ago, that I’d ever hear those words!  But it’s time, time for the Campione to give someone else half the fun, half the joy, half the drunken pleasure it gave to us!