Tag Archives: friends

Class Reunion–35 years and counting

So I broke down and went to my first class reunion last weekend…okay it was my third-fifth class reunion, just the first one I’ve ever really attended. I went to the fifth, but stayed twenty minutes and left. It felt like high school and I didn’t need that again.  It is so interesting to see that little microcosm of society! For the most part, everyone has stopped worrying about “who is better than” and “who has more,” yet there were those “select” few.  You know, the “ones” who still talk to the only the other “ones.”  And they look around the room making eye contact with rest of us lowly minions, thinking that we are pining for their attention.  I noticed them about a half an hour before I left…and I was there five hours.  Someone I was talking to pointed it out to me, so I paid attention.  I realized that there was this “group of four,” not including their very uncomfortable spouses, who were having a very difficult time getting the rest of the mingling crowd to pay attention to them.  They tried a lot of things: they laughed very loudly, then looked around to see who noticed; they all walked to the bar together giggling at whatever, pretending not to look around; and they did the same on their social visit to the restroom.  Their extreme disappointment when no one cared what they did was evident…everyone else had moved on…had grown up…had seemingly left them behind.

It really was good to see people again.  I wish that  more people attended, but who am I to talk, it took thirty-five years for me to attend!  I realized when I got there that I miss the friends I made in high school.  I haven’t seen most of them for thirty-five years.  It isn’t anyone’s fault, life just happens.  I never felt like I fit in then; after this weekend, I know it doesn’t matter anymore.  That is a refreshing feeling.  It is sad that it took thirty-five years for me to feel that way, yet it is great that it happened at all!  I also realized how truly blessed I am to have reconnected with the friends I have since moving back to my hometown.  They have made this transition so much better.  I would be lost without them.  It is good to have this time in my life to reflect on what is important and what is valuable; what is lasting and what is true; what is golden and what is treasured.

 

 

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My Super Dooper Trooper – Not Saying Goodbye Yet

So we went to the vet yesterday to check on kidney functioning and glucose levels.  My Rudy is amazing!  His kidneys are now functioning within NORMAL RANGE and his glucose level has dropped 200 points!  While it is still way high (450) at least it is headed in the correct direction! The vet is pleased and said that we are not out of the woods just yet, but we are definitely headed in the right direction.

Of course, I wanted to take him out for breakfast to celebrate-or at least for a walk in the park.  Instead I brought him home to his “special food” and his insulin shot.  Poor guy, he’s worked so hard to get his levels in check and he can’t even have a treat to celebrate!  (It got way to hot to go for a way later in the day.)  And I think he was just so happy not to be at the vet’s office that he was okay with coming home.

I am now cautiously optimistic that he will be okay for a while longer.  My emotions have been all over the place and I am sure they will continue to be.  I know this is not the important part, Rudy is. It has been a roller coaster, though; maybe for him too.  I just feel very lucky to have more time to spend with my Begga-boy!  It doesn’t happen very often that we get that “little more time,” or that “one more day,”  that we so often ask for when it is too late.  Now it is my challenge not to waste the gift I have been given, but to make the very most of it I can!  I hope I am up to that challenge.

I also want to thank everyone in the virtual world who gave Rudy and me support and prayers, they made all the difference!  Without my virtual friends my days would have been much harder.  I am blessed in so many ways.

Now I must return to Rudy who is asking for something…probably a treat that he can no longer have…

Reclusive or Selective: The Semantic Game

I’ve told myself that I am not becoming reclusive; I am just more selective about what I do. I am not sure if I am just playing a semantic game with myself, but I am sure that my activities are changing.  I no longer log on to Facebook daily, but I do try to check in at least weekly to keep up with the people I talk to via messages.  I just don’t see much value in all the posts, seems like people put the silliest stuff on there.  I mean I guess it’s important to someone what you had for dinner, just not so much to me.  I also don’t tweet, don’t Pin anything nor am I linked in to anyone.  I really don’t spend that much time surfing any more either.  If there is something I need or want to know, I can usually find it with a quick search, read the articles and be done in fifteen or twenty minutes.   I also don’t go out as much as I used to.  I am quite content to stay in my house with my fur-kids. And they seem to get quite upset when I leave them.  Actually, it is getting hard to get me out of my house, not because I am afraid to leave, rather because I am just so comfortable here.  And I am always concerned that I will have to leave because of pain and cause disruption in the activity.  This causes me to stay home a lot also.

I did go “out” over this past weekend, however, and it was an interesting experience.  The “plan” was to go to a street dance that was a local fundraiser for the downtown district where I live.  Of course it was raining a lot, so they moved the party inside.  And they eliminated all the food vendors.  That meant going out to dinner, which we did and it was lovely!  The food was great, the company wonderful and the conversation fun.  Then to the “club” where the party was, which pointed out to me that it had been a long time since I have been in a club and I am getting old.  Wow, was it loud in there!  It didn’t take me long to re-acclimate myself and I found myself loving it! One of my favorite things to do is to “people watch” and there was the perfect spot above the main floor to do just that.  And the band, who were very good, was in the other room so they weren’t so loud! As a bonus, I had a fascinating conversation about a myriad of topics with a very cool woman.  I am glad that despite my desire to stay home, I went and had a great time. I was not able to complete the evening this weekend, as I came home early due to “wearing out,” but the going out was a good thing.

Being selective about what I do is a good thing, and I will continue.  Unfortunately, my stamina is not what it was and I cannot do all the things I’d like.  So I will have to make choices just like everyone else, even if mine are a little more limited.  Looking at the possibilities as though there are possibilities will make a huge difference in my choices.  

A Three Year Journey, Never Intended

Three years I began a New Life.  Or should I say I began a New Journey in my Life.  A New Journey sounds so much better and more intriguing, wouldn’t you agree?  I would assume it depends on whether it is a Journey one intended to take.

I went home for lunch on a Thursday afternoon, it was August 5, 2011.  I’d been having “episodes” of unknown origin, but they were mimicking TIA’s or mini-strokes.  I had been to the hospital ER many, many times; had more CT scans of my head than I probably should have in my lifetime; and, had freaked out my friends, my co-workers and myself more than once.  On this day, instead of going to the ER, I called my doctor.  I thought that was a wise move, since I was tired of wasting everyone’s time and resources to be told that they didn’t know what was wrong.  The doctor told me I had to see a neurologist and until I did, no more work.  Little did I know that it would take a year, and my insistence at seeing a third neurologist to get a diagnosis and a solution.  Of course, by this time, I had no job, which meant I had to move because I could no longer afford where I was living.  Of course this provoked just a little (sarcasm here) stress in my life, which caused the RA to go out of control.   Additionally, I lost two of my main supports, which were my old neighbors.  I had not planned on that.  I’ve never returned to work and my health is such now, that it seems unlikely I ever will.  Although, I would like nothing better.

There are many details, twists and turns that life has taken throughout these past three years, far too many to mention here.  The life lessons are always the most important; the demons we struggle with and overcome; the challenges we face and win; and the realization of who and what really matters.  I know that these will continue throughout my life, I hope to get better at dealing with them and at letting go of the little things and the things I cannot change.  I am finding that, unfortunately, that also means letting go of people.  There are people in my life who let me down to the point that I can never trust them again; who have shown me their true character and, not that I am perfect, it is cruel; and, there are those who have, at least in their own honesty, walked away from me.  This has been the hardest part of my journey during the past three years.  Or maybe it has been the hurt I have caused others, for I know I have.  I have let people down in ways for which I have many regrets.  I have tried to make amends where possible and apologies when I can.  And tried to do it better the next time.  I guess that is all to do.

It has been an interesting journey.  I have learned a lot about myself, my world and the people in my world.  I have been to the depths of depression and have had wonderful friends to pull me back up.  I have had major health crises that without my friends I would literally not have survived.  And I have had triumphs that my friends were with me to celebrate and share.  What have I learned? That I have the BEST FRIENDS, that I am BLESSED they are in my life; that no matter how dark or lonely some days may get, they will ALWAYS be there, just one phone call away.  I have also learned that I can handle much more than I thought I could, and I really thought I was pretty strong before.  I’ve learned to be more independent and to ask for help only when it is truly needed.  I’ve learned to let the little things go and not stress about them as much.  I’ve learned to be GRATEFUL for all that I have, for it is so much!  I’m learning to ENJOY EACH MOMENT because it is all I really have and to stop expecting things to be a certain way.  It appears that when I can release my expectations, I am pleasantly surprised by something new!  The biggest thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have a lot to learn!  This is good, for life will continue with its twists and turns and how boring it would be without them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Humbling -100 Bloggers Following Me!

When I started this blog, I thought 100 people, whom I did not know, reading my blog would be quite amazing! And now that I have reached 100 followers, I have found that I am in awe that there are 100 people, whom I know only through this medium, that have read my words and feel that they are worth reading again, and again.  That truly amazes me and astounds me.

I would assume that each and every blogger wishes that they had thousands of other bloggers reading their words every time they hit the publish button, and in a sense I would be no different.  I would, however, rather have the people who do read my blog really enjoy it and have it mean something to them.

I have been thinking I need to publish more frequently and bring my “numbers” up.  Yet, while many bloggers whom I have great respect for, can do this very well, I do not feel that I would be able to blog everyday and have something that I really wanted to say.  So I blog much less frequently.  Not that there aren’t thoughts flying around in my head all the time, that is a given!  And, I am fairly opinionated, even though I have learned to keep a lot of them to myself as I have gotten older.  Or, maybe I am getting better at seeing both sides of a situation, or more, and less able to find “the right” one.  In any case, I am not sure I could be an everyday blogger.

I am sure that I have reached a milestone today! One hundred followers whom I did not know prior to starting this blog, have found my words worth reading.  How humbling and inspiring!  Thank you to each and every one of you!

I Bought A Bicycle!

On July 4th most people hang out with friends or family at barbecues and picnics, playing games, drinking beer, laughing and having fun.  That doesn’t for me, at least not any more. I did have lunch with a friend, which was wonderful, as we sat by the flooding river and enjoyed ourselves at an outdoor restaurant.  Afterwards, we shopped.  We used to shop a lot together, but we stopped that practice because it was not good for either of our bank accounts.  We are bad influences for each other when we shop!  And we know it.  So going shopping together can be dangerous thing for us to do.

I have thought about buying a bicycle for a while.  I need to get exercise.  I was told, however, by a couple of doctors many years ago that I should not ride a “regular” bike again, because of my back issues.  My bicycle “should be” a recumbent bicycle.  I listened to the doctors and stopped riding a bicycle. I bought a recumbent stationary bicycle and use it sometimes.  It’s just not as much fun.  I recently decided that I was going to try to ride a regular bicycle again.  I am tired of all the “rules” and “limitations” that I have been given.  I have listened and I have followed them and I am bored with life.  it seems that I sit in my house and do very little.  Most days that’s all I feel like doing; but those other days, I want to DO something!  So, I bought a bicycle.  It is not a fancy bicycle, it’s old, it’s a cheap brand and I didn’t pay a lot for it.  A number of people have laughed at it because it is “cheap,” or it is “old” or it has “rust” on it.  I don’t really care about all of that.  It fits me well and it works. The gear shifter was broken and it cost almost as much to get a new one put on as I paid for the bike.  Without a new one though, I couldn’t ride it at all.

After I adjusted the seat and the handlebars, put air in the tires and cleaned up the bike, it was time to try it out.  I got on, pedaled for about thirty seconds and got so dizzy I couldn’t see! Got off the bicycle and put it away.  Not an auspicious start to my new hobby!  I decided I must just be tired and it would be better the next day after I rested.  And it was.  The next day it was even better.  Now I can ride a bit farther every day!  Of course, yesterday I guess I rode a little too far and had an asthma  attack.  I will remember my inhaler from now on, though.

The main thing is that I bought a bicycle! I broke the rules.  I am pushing my limits in a controlled way.  I’m not doing anything too crazy and I’m working up to being able to ride around my whole neighborhood so that I can eventually be able to ride in the park. I will get there.  Maybe I will like it so much that I will buy a better bicycle, but for now the bicycle I have will do just fine.  After all, it deserves another chance as much as I do.

Feeling Blessed

It is so revealing when your eyes open to the truth.  When you see that someone you cared about and wanted in your life for so very many years becomes someone you no longer care to have in your life.  When you realize that “appearances” to them really are everything, that hurting others is really okay.  Calling themselves Christian and being so righteous while making judgments about everyone else’s choices, once again reaffirms the adage “walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk.” I guess today I am feeling blessed that I have traveled the journey I have.  I do not care about appearances; I care about people.  I care about doing the right thing for its own sake.  I care about treating people right.  Not for my benefit, but for theirs.  Just because “it’s the right thing to do.” (quote attributed to Lu)  I am truly blessed that I have had the friends that I have, some still in my life and some not, who have helped me along this journey.  I am a far better person because of them!