It has been too long since I have posted. I know this, not because of the date, but because my head is exploding with words. It seems that the only times I have a lot to say are the times I have little time to write. While the times I have a lot of time to write are the times I feel I have little to say. I believe that is fear, my friends. So, today I am taking the time to write and hoping that I am ready for the company that is coming in 70 minutes. No, I am not showered or dressed yet, so I will have to type rather quickly!
I am back in my funk. That bicycle I bought July 4th has left my garage three times and one was to go to the bike shop to be repaired. So I have only been on it twice. Okay, so I’ve had a double ear infection like forever and the doctor said riding it might not be good, and I have had trouble just keeping my balance while walking, but this would not have stopped me in the past. So is my common sense getting better or am I just becoming too compliant? I hate being compliant!
The weather here has been perfect, 70’s and low humidity. We have set records for cool weather in July! I have slept. In the house with the windows open at least, but I have slept. Of course, I found out this has contributed to the double ear infection problem, so now I am sleeping with the windows closed and the air-conditioning on while the weather outside is perfect. And the kicker: I am 53 years old and I may need to get tubes in my ears…I think I am a little young to be going through my second childhood! Don’t little kids get these when they are like 3? I’m no expert on these things, I didn’t have kids and dogs generally don’t get tubes in their ears!
Speaking of dogs, my youngest, and some would say my favorite, Willie (Princess Wilhelmina) has now been diagnosed with allergies and is taking daily medicine. She is also eating a lot. She is supposed to be a mini doxie, but I am unsure how long we will be keeping the mini part. I’ve already started the diet; I did that the day I started the medicine and we went to the park for a walk before we started the medicine. I am very familiar with steroids. I started them the day before. I did not do the diet or the walk for myself, however. I’ve always been better at taking care of others. I did begin to be more careful with my diet last night, right after I ate the candy bar and the cookies. I did not eat them in front of Willie, though, so that counts, right? Today, I am hoping to go back to the park with Willie and might even take my oldest, Rudy, who is diabetic. (I didn’t eat the candy bar or cookies in front of him either.) Of course that would leave the middle child at home by herself, which would increase my guilt significantly. This usually means we all stay home. And sleep.
My other project for today is to “let go” of my former life. In my previous life I was a mental health therapist. I was very good at what I did and I believe I helped a lot of people. This illness has removed my ability to do that work anymore. I could never handle the stress, the hours and the mental acuity required. I no longer have the memory that is needed. That all sucks and makes me extremely sad. So I have decided not to look at all the books I have that related to my former life. It is time to give them to someone who can use them. I have no idea who that is, but maybe my local library does. So I will start there. Today a friend will help me box them up and I will deliver them next week. In addition, I am going to make my “office” at home more of a “studio” where I can be more creative. Now, it looks like an office, very practical and business like. I am not business like any more. Now I am all over the place, I “flit” and that’s okay. I want to be comfy when I create, not sit at a desk in a desk chair that hurts my body. So that needs to change. And today is the day it begins. It will be a fun project. I will start with cleaning out the space, so I know what I need/want. Then I can hit the thrift stores to see what I can find. What an adventure! Kind of exciting, getting to create a new space in which to create. I am a writer now: maybe not an author (yet), but a writer. That is my new profession and I am very grateful that I have it. If I can ever get past the fear of putting the words on the paper!