How Do I Say Goodbye to My Boy?

I know I haven’t written a new post for a while and I haven’t been reading or commenting on many blogs either. I have been very preoccupied and with good reason. My oldest fur-kid, Rudy, isn’t doing very well. He has diabetes and it has gone out of control. Last weekend he started having a lot of symptoms that pointed to high blood sugar levels. When I took him to the vet, the number was 653 (normal is around 100). In addition, his kidneys have been “compromised.” Not Good. I thought that I had lost him at that point and was trying to emotionally prepare myself, as if one can do that. The vet gave me a little hope by changing his diet. Although he told me not to buy any more insulin, he would give me some as I only have enough for about a week. When I asked how long before we would know if the diet was working, he said, “a week or two.” So, that means I could only have a week or two left with my boy.  IMG_0551

When I think back on the 12 years we have had together, there have been so many good times! He has been my “Beggaboy,” my “Ruddabegga.” He has helped me through some very dark times in my life and been there for me when no one else has. He has made it through three moves and has hung in there with me through numerous relationships (despite trying to tell me that one in particular was disastrous for us!) He has stuck by me despite my bringing two puppies into our lives and one very abused adult dog. He really doesn’t like puppies! And no matter what I threw at him, he has smiled through it all and continues as my boy; “da man of da house!” Someone said to me: “Yeah the little buggers break your heart when they leave you.” My response: “Yeah they do, but I wouldn’t trade the last 12 years with him for anything.”

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How do say goodbye? I have no idea. I know that I will have to. I don’t know if it will be this week or next or maybe I will have more time with him. In any case, I know that the time is coming faster than I want it to. Until then, I will love him and spend ALL my time with him. I will stay by his side and have no regrets about not being with him. I will not let him suffer. I will not make him stay when his quality of life is gone, for that would be selfish on my part. I do not want that for him. Hell, I don’t want that for me! For there is no greater love than what a dog has for his human, and Rudy has loved me far better than I could ever have loved him. Now it is my turn to fix that, I will not let him down. I will love him as he has loved me.

Even though it will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do, when it is time I will say goodbye. I will hold him in my arms so that he knows he I love him as he takes his last breath. And I will keep him in my heart always. For that is what he would do for me. It is what he has done for me.

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22 thoughts on “How Do I Say Goodbye to My Boy?

  1. kathryningrid

    I do so hope that your knowledge that this is a last but important gift to your sweet companion will give you great comfort. Your love for him during his life will assure him all the way to the end. May you find peace in remembering the joys he has shared with you. And may 2015 be a year so lovely that it will quickly bring you through the sorrow into more and more of those happy remembrances.
    xo,
    Kathryn

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Thank you for the kind thoughts! He is doing better for now, so I am just enjoying every extra minute I have with him! I know the hard part will be down the road, but I am not going to look at that now…it’s time to love on him now!

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  2. twistedrandall

    We put our older down in January. One of the hardest things we have ever had to do. Or younger one (10 yrs old) we now bring on play days at my sister in law. I feel for you. Just remember the fun stuff and the cuddles. Thinking of you like always.

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  3. therockstaranthropologist

    This post brought tears to my eyes because I can understand so deeply what you are going through. You are definitely in my thoughts. Losing a family member who brings such love, joy, and comfort is so hard. He’s a beautiful guy. Even though, I only know you via the virtual world, I wish you the best and send hugs! We are united by a shared experience.

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Thank you for your support and understanding. I know I may be a “bit” prejudicial, but I think he is very handsome! I do know that my family will never be the same and my two girls will be looking for their brother for a long time! We will adapt; it will just take awhile! Thanks, Phyl

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Thanks Steve, it is going to be hard no matter when. I agree that he has had a good life and that he has loved me so very much! I hope that I have loved him as well! Thanks for being there!

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  4. LadyPinkRose

    Phyl, oh Lord! No matter how many times I have gone through saying good bye, it tears my Heart to pieces. I wish I could reach through to hug you for real. You will be in my prayers. BIG (((HUGS))) Amy

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Oh Amy, I feel the Hugs, even through cyberspace! Even though I have been through it before myself, it still tears my heart to shreds. Each one is loved so very much and will be missed always! Thank you for your support and prayers, it will help me through…Phyl

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Yeah, it will suck! Goodbye is never easy but when it comes to saying goodbye to your fur-kids, it is worse. Their love is so unconditional that losing it makes us feel so empty. Yet, it is the last gift we can give them.

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  5. cdog5

    Though I’m only meeting you in cyberspace, please know that I am thinking about you and Rudy and wishing you both peace.

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Even through cyberspace I can feel the love and support I am receiving! It will help get me through this difficult time. Thank you for your kind words and support.

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  6. momfawn

    I’m sitting here with goosebumps, remembering holding my fur-children as they crossed the rainbow bridge. That is the most grown-up thing you will ever do. Sending love and prayers for you both. – Fawn

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    1. praw27 Post author

      No matter how many fur-babies we hold as they cross the rainbow bridge, it never gets any easier, nor should it. Each is loved beyond belief and always will be, no matter on which side of the bridge they reside. Phyl

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    1. praw27 Post author

      Yes he is! I remember the day that Mollie “picked” him out, you helped me bring him home and the first thing we did was change his name! And the memories just keep getting better from there! Thanks, Auntie Lu

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