What a crappy week! I am glad it is coming to an end…not the week per say, just that I am feeling better. I do not know what was wrong, just that I have been in bed with something all week. And I don’t like it! Haven’t even been able to sit at the computer to do any writing. Haven’t been able to think well enough to do any writing. The GOOD news is that I am feeling better today. Not totally, but well-enough. At least I can think (sort of), and sit up in a chair and walk around without hitting walls!
Amazing the things we take for granted! Of course, I always realize that after I get sick. All the things I take for granted. Things like:
~ Being able to feed the kids (dogs) without falling over!
~ Walking from room to room without hitting the walls!
~ Being able to sit upright!
~ Being able to get the mail out of the mailbox!
~ Being able to get something to eat or drink!
~ Being able to read and/or write when I want!
None of these things are very major things, but when I can’t do them they sure seem major. I know that far too often I look at the Blessings in my life as being the BIG things, however I need to start looking at the LITTLE things also. When I add those up they are far too numerous to count! And that Attitude of Gratitude becomes overwhelming!
Way too often I look at myself in ways that are very judgmental, in ways that only serve to negate whatever achievements I have made. I know in my head that this is self-defeating and very difficult to overcome. I, like a lot of people, was taught to “evaluate” myself through a very narrow and critical lens. Although I have tried to widen that lens and allow myself much more latitude in what is success and what is just okay, it is still difficult to not look through that old lens from time to time. I look at all the things I don’t have because of choices I’ve made or circumstances I can’t control. About ten seconds later, I realize that I also don’t need or want those things anyway, so it really doesn’t matter. I have everything I need! I am very blessed!
So when the critical, judgmental, narrow lens focuses on my life and I feel I come up short; I realize that I’ve lived my life the best that I could then and I still am. I will never have the approval of everyone, nor do I want it, for then I would not be living my life, I would be living theirs. When I was working, I had a sign in my office that read: “We all do the best we can everyday with what we have. Some days our best is better that others.” It helped my clients and it helped me; my “best” was different everyday.
I am not sure if this is a blog entry or a journal entry, but it is my rambling thoughts today, as I climb out of the bed and make my way back into sanity and life. Please pardon me if I seem to jump topics. I would wait to edit this and polish it before I post, however I am afraid it would not get done for days! I am as far behind on other things as I am on writing. It is just that I like to write more than I like to do the other stuff!