Changing Focus

I did not write last week, which means it was the first week that I did not make my goal.

Yesterday, I found out I have another infection, which is common with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Psoriatic Arthritis, even if this one is a bit more serious.

The curious thing about both of these things:  neither of them has caused me to want quit.  That would be my usual response.  If I set a goal for myself and I do not meet it, I immediately see it as failure and I move on to the next thing.  Hence, blogging would be history for me at this point.  Yet, here I am wanting to create another post.  And the health thing would have caused me to curl up in a ball and start my own, private pity party.  Not today though. Interesting. Even to me.

When I woke up this morning, I had to do my usual, “what day of the week is this,” routine.  It’s hard to keep track sometimes.  Then, instead of thinking,”what am I going to do today,” my thoughts ran to; “gosh, I’ve got to get some things done today!”  There is always a list, no matter how “quiet” you think your life is, there is always a list.  Maybe if I didn’t have a house, or if I didn’t have dogs, or I didn’t have… put in anything you’d like, but then I’d have to add, maybe if I wasn’t alive!

I recently read Anna Quindlen’s book “A Short Guide to a Happy Life.”  It actually started as a commencement address she was to give at Villanova University (they canceled it because of protests).  As of my first reading of the book, I think these things change as we reread things, the premise was: In order to have happiness you had to have a life! Seems like a pretty straightforward idea, until I thought about it and realized that a lot of my depression centered around my not having a life.  Oh, I live.  And considering everything, I live in a blessed way.  But to have a life, one must live differently.

There will always be limitations that I will have to deal with,  just as everyone does.  Financial, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, the list could go on and on.  Everyone has them.  I am no different from anyone else.  I just have to decide that I can have a life even though I can’t do all the things I might want to do.  I have to find those things that I can do, to make a life; to find my happiness.  No one can help me be happy, nor can anyone help me to make a life (although there have been a few who have helped me to live recently).  I have to own my life and my happiness; I have to take responsibility for it.  I have to stop looking back and wondering “why,” and start looking forward and thinking “WOW!”  I have to realign my lens, so that I can focus more clearly on what is in front of me and around me now. I have never seen a picture dated today but taken of something that happened in the past. Pictures of the past are always faded with time.

Will a change in focus be easy? Probably not all the time, but I am going to give it a valiant try!  I have learned in the past few weeks that focusing on what you want, does not make it happen; focusing on what you have, tends to bring it closer to you.  Lamenting what you have lost only brings more pain; while recognizing all the beauty that is around you, brings more joy.

I am back on track with my goal of writing a blog once a week and I will not quit just because I missed a week.  After all, I have pretty nasty infection that was not being treated until yesterday, I think I can cut myself some slack on that one.  Another thing I never did before! Hmmm……. And the infection will heal and I will go back to dealing with the Rheumatoid and Psoriatic Arthritis again, without the infection.  It will be okay.

Most importantly I will follow “A Short Guide to a Happy Life” and go out and find one, just as soon as this infection clears up and I can.  And then I will be able to say “WOW!”

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4 thoughts on “Changing Focus

  1. Holistic Wayfarer

    Bravo. Loved every word – well, exception the infections. But thoroughly appreciated your response to them.

    “I just have to decide that I can have a life even though I can’t do all the things I might want to do.” Your post inspires me as I face yet another tiring, busy, hopeful day. I know it’s been harder than you can really describe in a post.

    Blessings,
    HW

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    Reply
    1. praw27 Post author

      I think it is difficult for all of us, it is a choice how we respond. I can’t say that my responses are always the best, however, they are improving! I hope your day turns out well!

      Like

      Reply

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