I admit the past week has been a bit “rough” on my theme of the year. I have struggled to “Just Be.” One of those “things” happened that just hits you in the gut and leaves you looking around saying “what the hell; where in the hell did that come from; and did that really just happen?” We’ve all had them, I know I’ve had them more than once. This one isn’t random and is personal. It has hurt me in ways I thought I had shut down years ago. Guess not. I still don’t want to, even now. I can’t go into details, as it would causer even more
shit problems. Let’s just say that I was accused, since I was never given a chance to discuss anything, of saying things I did not say and attempting to break up relationships that are very important to me. And it was done by someone I felt I was close to and could trust. There be the kicker. I don’t care so much about being accused of saying things I didn’t say, we all get that, all the time. However, breaking up relationships that are important to me, by this person, is incredulous.
Needless to say, my ability to “Just Be” through out this has not been stalwart. I have been angry, sad and hurt. I have retreated and haven’t been able to reach out my support systems. I allowed this person to access my self-esteem, despite my brain telling me repeatedly, that what is being said is false and is a reflection on them, NOT on me. I have been able to use my brain to be rational about the entire situation. I have NOT been able to reconcile my emotions. They are just not there. Oh, there have been glimpses when my emotions and my brain are in sync. Like now. I just never know how long this will last. But the ability to “Just Be” and let whatever happen’ that has not even occurred to me, at least, until I opened my blog this morning.
Something in me clicked when I read Holistic Wayfarer’s comment about Lessons of My Tree-Part 2. (And that you for that!) I realized how far away I have traveled from my path. In just an instant! I realized that we are all given moments that will lead us away from or to we are going. We just have to decide which we want to notice. We have to make choices everyday of staying true to our Self or going down different path. I read so often about people trying to “find their way,” and I believe that this is all we are all trying to do. Find our way to lead a “better” life: for some that is in the now, for others it is about an afterlife and some are trying to live better now for their next life. Whatever the reason, we all have a path to follow. The problem is when one person decides that another person cannot be “allowed” to live their path. So they interfere. Whether that be globally, nationally, or individually; taking away someone’s choice to live the life they have chosen results in conflict, of not allowing someone to follow their path.
So as I reflect today about my path and my desire to “Just Be,” I realize that I cannot change anything or anyone but me. My response, my attitude and my behavior is all I have control over (at least on a good day). So for today, I will “Just Be.” I will take things as they come and let them go. I will learn what I can and be the best that I can. I won’t always get it right, at least I have learned that much. I will do the best that I can in that moment, though. I will do better than I did yesterday, for I am different today; I have learned something, just as I do everyday!
One of my favorite quotes is from Mr. Rogers, and I need to remember it more often:
“It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood!”
It WILL be in mine and, I WISH for you that it is in yours!