I did not write last week, which means it was the first week that I did not make my goal.
Yesterday, I found out I have another infection, which is common with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Psoriatic Arthritis, even if this one is a bit more serious.
The curious thing about both of these things: neither of them has caused me to want quit. That would be my usual response. If I set a goal for myself and I do not meet it, I immediately see it as failure and I move on to the next thing. Hence, blogging would be history for me at this point. Yet, here I am wanting to create another post. And the health thing would have caused me to curl up in a ball and start my own, private pity party. Not today though. Interesting. Even to me.
When I woke up this morning, I had to do my usual, “what day of the week is this,” routine. It’s hard to keep track sometimes. Then, instead of thinking,”what am I going to do today,” my thoughts ran to; “gosh, I’ve got to get some things done today!” There is always a list, no matter how “quiet” you think your life is, there is always a list. Maybe if I didn’t have a house, or if I didn’t have dogs, or I didn’t have… put in anything you’d like, but then I’d have to add, maybe if I wasn’t alive!
I recently read Anna Quindlen’s book “A Short Guide to a Happy Life.” It actually started as a commencement address she was to give at Villanova University (they canceled it because of protests). As of my first reading of the book, I think these things change as we reread things, the premise was: In order to have happiness you had to have a life! Seems like a pretty straightforward idea, until I thought about it and realized that a lot of my depression centered around my not having a life. Oh, I live. And considering everything, I live in a blessed way. But to have a life, one must live differently.
There will always be limitations that I will have to deal with, just as everyone does. Financial, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, the list could go on and on. Everyone has them. I am no different from anyone else. I just have to decide that I can have a life even though I can’t do all the things I might want to do. I have to find those things that I can do, to make a life; to find my happiness. No one can help me be happy, nor can anyone help me to make a life (although there have been a few who have helped me to live recently). I have to own my life and my happiness; I have to take responsibility for it. I have to stop looking back and wondering “why,” and start looking forward and thinking “WOW!” I have to realign my lens, so that I can focus more clearly on what is in front of me and around me now. I have never seen a picture dated today but taken of something that happened in the past. Pictures of the past are always faded with time.
Will a change in focus be easy? Probably not all the time, but I am going to give it a valiant try! I have learned in the past few weeks that focusing on what you want, does not make it happen; focusing on what you have, tends to bring it closer to you. Lamenting what you have lost only brings more pain; while recognizing all the beauty that is around you, brings more joy.
I am back on track with my goal of writing a blog once a week and I will not quit just because I missed a week. After all, I have pretty nasty infection that was not being treated until yesterday, I think I can cut myself some slack on that one. Another thing I never did before! Hmmm……. And the infection will heal and I will go back to dealing with the Rheumatoid and Psoriatic Arthritis again, without the infection. It will be okay.
Most importantly I will follow “A Short Guide to a Happy Life” and go out and find one, just as soon as this infection clears up and I can. And then I will be able to say “WOW!”