Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom’s birthday.  At least I think it is, as I am not sure one actually has birthday’s anymore after they have died.  She would have been 96 today.  She is in a better place and no longer has to endure all the pain that she lived with for so long.  She died seven and a half years ago and I remember so vividly her telling the doctors, “I’m done. I don’t want to fight all this anymore.  I only want two things; to be with my husband and to not be in pain.”  I remember being so proud of her for being able to say what she wanted.  She wasn’t able to do that a lot in her life.  And I also felt surprise that she did not say that she wanted her kids with her.  After all, she always said that her family, dad and her children/grandchildren, were the most important “things” in her life.  But she made her wishes known and it was up to us to honor them.  This was a Friday afternoon in October.  On the following Monday, she agreed to hospice and signed all the paperwork.  My dad was released from the hospital on Tuesday of that week.  I remember telling her that dad was back, as she was “out of it” at the time.  She opened her eyes, smiled,and said, “tell him I love him.” Through my tears I did.  

I got THE phone call on Thursday morning that she was “gone.”  I had been with her constantly since Tuesday night.  I left to take a shower and change clothes.  I wasn’t gone more than 45 minutes, and she left us.  No one was in the room.  I think she wanted it that way.

I can’t say that my mom and I always got along.  In fact, we didn’t get along at all until I was older, much older.  Then we became very close.  She would tell me that she could talk to me in ways she couldn’t talk to anyone else.  I wonder if she said that to anyone else?  My mom was a master at making someone feel guilty, I’ve never met anyone better at it!  She was also passive-aggressive in getting what she wanted.  She had a temper when I was a kid and if I did something to make her really mad, I knew better than to go around her the rest of the day.   I know why, now; but I didn’t growing up.  Of course, my temper could match hers back then, at least when I was a teenager.  If I had been them, I would have put me in a “home” somewhere!  I was an angry kid.  I know why, now; but I didn’t growing up.  But as time went on, we both mellowed.  I think we both realized that life is too short to fight.  And, I moved out and then moved away.  That helped too.  

I spent a lot of time with mom the week before she died.  We talked about a lot of things.  A few of the things she said stick with me.  Some feel like they haunt me.  But the one that I remember everyday is when she told me: “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my mom.”  I get it, mom, I get it. 

Happy Birthday Mom!  I hope that wherever you are, you are dancing and having a beer (or two) with all the ones you love!  

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2 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Mom!

    1. praw27 Post author

      I think she always did the best she could. As we all do. She was nice to all the people I brought around. And believe me, I tested that as I got older!

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