I like to ponder. Today’s ponder: Why can I not “Just Be,” live in the moment and let go of expectations? It seems no matter how hard I try, I continue to have expectations of myself, other people, situations, and even of the weather. And sometimes my expectations are met and sometimes far exceeded. And there are other times, like today, that they will be let down once again. It’s just a silly little thing, a walk in the park with the dogs and some friends that won’t be able to happen because of the weather and how it affects the joints when one has arthritis. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of arthritis, just arthritis. Yesterday, It was 50° and sunny, tomorrow the forecast is for 50° and sunny, And yet today it is in the 30s with clouds and a chance of rain and snow. What that does to the joints just amazes me. And no matter how I try to ignore it, tell it to go away or take pain meds to mask it, it just stays with me. And I hate, HATE complaining! Those who know me well can see it in my eyes even when I try to smile through it so as not to ruin the party or anyone else’s good time, so I try real hard to just be alone if the pain gets too bad. But today that won’t work, as you see I have friends coming in town and I’d planned on having time to take all the dogs, my three and their one, to the park for a walk. Then come back relax, laugh and enjoy. So now, I need to figure out a way to make at least the second part happen despite the pain. And I can do that, I just get so tired sometimes of having to work so hard at it!
And on another subject, also related to joint and arthritis pain and expectations, I have discovered that my Dragon Dictation no longer works with the new update of the Mac operating system. Now that’s not really good news, however I did discover that Mac has its own dictating program built in to its operating system! One has to be careful as I found out if you choose the wrong option, everything you say AND your contact list will be sent to Apple for them to translate to text and then sent back to you (they also store all your information). I just don’t think Apple should have all of my information, so I chose not to do that. I am finding as I dictate this, that I will have a lot of cleanup to do, which I did not have to do with Dragon Dictation. So I’m going to test it out and see if it will be worth it to use the dictation program. If it is, it will help with my writing quite a bit, as typing is one reason why I don’t write as often as I’d like. It is kind of amazing as I look at the word count. I usually have a hard time typing this many words but I don’t seem to have any trouble speaking this many words, does that mean I talk too much? Nah, couldn’t be! If you could see all the mistakes that the dictation is making this would be a very comical post! However, the OCD part of me would never let this post go out the way it is currently displayed. So I will fix it, after all I am a fixer! Another fun thing about having rheumatoid arthritis, the things that you can fix become less and less and your frustration about that becomes greater and greater.
So I’m not really sure how I will plan my day for friends to spend time, but I’m sure that we will figure it out and have fun. For that is what it is truly about! It doesn’t really matter what you do; it really matters that you’re together, that you care and that you’re willing to take the time to be there. So that is really what today is about: not the activity, not the food, not the drink; just the friendship, the being there. Oh yeah…there is that theme of the year thing...Just Be...so I won’t plan my day…I’ll just let it BE!
PS: (Can you have a PS in a blog…well I am, so I guess I can.) It didn’t take me that long to edit, so it may be worth it. Not sure it will be though if I am writing a lot, like working on the book I am writing. It would take too much time editing all the capital letters in the wrong places, the words it didn’t translate correctly, like “lettuce” for “let us,” and it kept putting “Matt” in for all kinds of words! Guess it’s time to call my nephew, Matt! LOL