Just “BE”

So my theme for this year is to “BE.”  It is now February 5th, I started my theme on January 6th.  I think today I’ve decided I want to “BE,” just not sure I want to be me.  Last year was very challenging, so this year is going to be Awesome, right? After all, it happens like that, one bad then a good one to make up for it.  Ok, I’m waiting.  When I look at this January versus last January, this one is definitely better! No surgeries, no health crises!  February isn’t stacking up so well.  I’m having my first psoriasis outbreak, I have no idea how anyone has lived with this their entire life!  I can deal with all kinds of pain, but this itching and these sores are driving me mad!  Also the fatigue! How can someone sleep so much? I’ve always been of the mind that “energy begets energy.”  No more.  Now I take a shower to wake up and get going, and by the time I am dressed, I need a nap!  Just ridiculous.  I have about 2 hours in my day that I can really function and it isn’t easy trying to decide: what are the things that I’d like to use my two hours for today?  Believe me, cleaning, which I’ve always been somewhat OCD about, doesn’t even make the list anymore.  Neither does cooking, which is really not good for my health, but there is just no energy.

I choose to spend my time reading and writing.  That is about all I have a desire to do, so why not take the time I feel I have to function and use it doing what I want to do?  The problem now is that I start out reading, as I love reading what others are writing in their blogs! It gives me inspiration and allows me creative license with my own.  By the time I finish reading, I’m exhausted.  Today I tried the shower thing…just get re-energized, I thought.  Well, here I am, headache and all!  I feel like I am drained of…everything…yet if I don’t get something written today, I feel I will explode!  Isn’t that an interesting phenomenon!   Just a few weeks ago, I didn’t write a blog at all and now I feel I must! There is a passion being developed here, not just for blogging, but for writing.  I feel I am developing my own voice!

Maybe it will be okay to “BE” me after all. Right after I get up from my nap.

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